I thought we would have more time before this next topic of conversation was brought up. To be honest, this one tugged at my heartstrings and made me want to lean in even more these next few years.
Christmas is my jam. It gives me all the warm fuzzy feelings. It takes over the whole house. Decorations for days. All the Christmas music. All the time. Typically decorations would come out the day after Thanksgiving. Same day as we would go on the hunt for our perfect Christmas trees. Yes – trees. Real and fake. I cannot get enough of it.
There is something inherently magical about Christmas. And for me, the magic increased exponentially since adding our monkeys to the mix. Being a part of transferring that magic to them and witnessing them experiencing it first hand is something my heart was not prepared for. Finding new ways to bring them that magic year after year has been my own joy of the season.
From their first Christmas, one of the traditions we worked to build was with ornaments. We spoke with grandparents on both sides of our families and asked if they would like to purchase each boy a new ornament every Christmas. It’s been so fun watching the ornaments they get each year. Some are fun like Batman. Traditional Santa ones. Sentimental snowmen that my aunt made out of my grandmother’s china. I am keeping them safe year-to-year until they are at a point of having their own Christmas tree and can fill it (if they so choose) with ornaments from their parents and grandparents.
There are Christmas Eve jammies. The one present that they can forever count on and the only one they are allowed to open on Christmas Eve. Matching and adorable of course.
And then there are the trees. They graduated from the plastic Step 2 Christmas Tree they had as babies to a fake tree that went in the living room with the one big real tree we got and finally to their very own real Christmas tree that sits on the left side of the fireplace in the living room. It was a request they made two Christmases ago while we were hunting for our family tree. And luckily for them, they have a mom obsessed with Christmas, so any additional trees we could have in the house was two big thumbs up from me. Now when we go to find our trees, they pick out their own together and then we find our family tree.
Last year, I was struggling as we neared the end of the year (for reasons I’m sure I will get into on another day), so I decided that I needed to bring out the Christmas decorations early. Rather than waiting for Thanksgiving, I waited for Halloween. After we got our hopped up on sugar, enjoying the high of running between houses retrieving candy, wanting more sugar monkeys off to bed, I started dismantling the pumpkins and leaves that adorned the house. And although it takes quite some time, I jumped into the process of bringing out all the garland and Christmas cheer a house could possibly contain. My lovely husband, although not quite on the Christmas-should-basically-throw-up-all-over-the-house bandwagon, helped me lug the very many bins of decorations upstairs so I could locate the perfect place for each decoration to remain for the next several months. It can take several attempts to find that spot, but it’s all worth it.
This year I did something similar. Although for different reasons. I left my job several months ago (again that’s a story for another day) so as we neared Halloween, my Christmas itch was going crazy. And I had lots of time on my hands. I figured the boys have been so pumped for the decorations to come out the last few years that starting the process a bit earlier this year would be just as exciting for them. So one night, on the week of Halloween and while my husband was preoccupied with doing the dishes, I started to bring up all the bins of Christmas decorations. He caught me midway through my not-so-sneaky job, simply rolled his eyes and went back to doing the dishes. My youngest on the other hand was not as convinced that it was time for Christmas decor. As soon as he realized I was taking down the Halloween decor, including Broderick the Skeleton, he gave me the side eye and said, “Mommy, it’s not even past Halloween.” I shrugged my shoulders and said that I thought it would be a good time to bring out the Christmas decorations. By the next morning, he was sorting through all the ornaments, picking out his favorites and putting them in a pile to decorate their tree with which made my little Christmas heart so happy.
A few weeks ago, that holiday sentiment was a far cry from our youngest building his pile o’ favorite ornaments. Our oldest got off the bus and immediately said, “What if Santa is not real? I think you and daddy are Santa.” His younger brother was with us as well so I wanted to tread extra lightly. I inquired as to why he was saying that and if someone told him Santa was not real. No one had brought up the topic. Apparently it was one he was thinking of himself. I assured him that Santa was very much real and that he should probably start to think of what he wanted so we could make a list. I was hoping the idea of generating a list would detract from the broader question that I wasn’t sure I had a better answer for and my heart was truly not ready for.
I knew this period in our life would be fleeting. Just not this fleeting. I thought I had more time. More years to create that magic. Build those traditions. My heart cracked just a bit at the thought of those post-Santa years.
At some point, there will be a conversation about the real identify of Santa. But there will also be a discussion about the real magic of Christmas. And that Santa is a part of so many different ways we can find and create magic surrounding Christmas. At that point we will find ways for our oldest to continue that magic of Christmas and Santa for his younger brother (assuming that it plays out that our oldest moves beyond Santa before his brother) so he can experience the magic through someone else’s eyes as well.
And when these years come to a close and we are in our post-Santa era, I will inevitable shed a few tears. Because it will be another box to check on the list of our boys getting older, more independent and finding their way in the world (just the tiniest bit more) without us. But I am confident that we will continue to build brand new traditions that may be Santa-less but no less magical. That we will continue to create magic for family and friends that are younger and still in their Santa eras. But there will also be inevitably be a very small crack in this mama heart.
Too Much Laundry, Not Enough Wine 