12 Envelopes

This Christmas, the items under the Christmas tree looked slightly different than years past. There were still the normal gifts from Santa that adorned the floor under the boys’ Christmas tree. And the presents shipped in from different states from the Mas and Bubbas of the world. But the gifts from mom and dad came in a different form. This year all their gifts came in envelopes. 12 to be exact. One for each month.

Over the last few Christmases, it felt like I was simply trying to fill wrapped boxes with items. Items that were not really needed or in the end even used more than once or twice. It was more for the visual effect of having a lot of boxes for them open Christmas morning. There was a plethora of excitement for the entire 23 minutes it took for them to tear through the wrapping paper and boxes. For most gifts, they spent 18 seconds concentrated on what was in one box before tossing it on the floor and moving to the next one. It’s not that they were not appreciative for what they received. They have always been thoughtful and thankful for everything they got to tear through.

We just happen to live in the land of instant gratification. I know that I certainly do and was most definitely passing that onto my kids. At the end of those mornings we would end up with garbage bags full of wrapping paper, torn up boxes and a need for too many batteries. Plenty of pics of the boys. Happy boys moving from one toy to the next. And this year, a puppy snuggled up on the couch, exhausted from all the activity.

Once those moments were in the past, they never really resurfaced again. I guess by that, I mean that many of those toys rarely saw the light of day again. They weren’t running to find the toys and play with them consistently. A few were make it to the “favorites” list, but even those didn’t have much of a life span. What they did do was clutter the playroom. Collect dust. And more than anything, drive me crazy because every time I tried to shut the toy closet doors, one would inevitably stick out thwarting my attempt to hide the evidence of the too much junk we had.

Over the last year, I’ve worked really hard to get myself in a mentally healthy space again (see prior post for details on that process). When Christmas time rolled around, my husband and I sat down to discuss what their gifts would look like. This year we had a very different conversation. Prior to our talk and during one of my recent doom scrolling sessions, a video popped up on my Instagram of a family who did monthly family activities in lieu of gifts. That short video became my inspiration for our Christmas morning. I posted the idea in my mom’s group and got a plethora of fun places to take the kids and activities we could do the four of us. I made note of many of the ideas from my mom’s group and a few I had already. This list kicked off our Christmas gift conversation.

We then outlined every month and next to each, we picked an activity or place to visit. Some activities are simply and local to our house. Others are farther away but ones that we can do in a day and still be back home by bedtime. There’s a long weekend away in there as well. What it really was, was a list of ways that we would have time together as a family. Creating memories that would last far beyond Christmas morning. Our adventures include mini golf, visits to local farms in the fall, exploring museums, taking in sports games and escaping for a long weekend away together.

On Christmas morning, after the Santa and grandparent gifts had been opened, the boys shifted their attention to the gifts from mom and dad. This year there was one physical gift for each boy, their annual Christmas ornament, and then a gift bag filled with 12 envelopes. Each envelope was decorated by yours truly. I use the word decorated lightly. My art skills extend as far as stick figures and “fancy” letters. But I tried my best. The outside had the month and a related decoration. Shamrocks for March. Fireworks for July. Leaves for September. You get the picture. Every one was accompanied by a note card that outlined what our activity of the month was and a print out of the place or event we were going to. The boys took turns opening the envelopes and discovering our activities. Discussing how much fun each one would be as we went.

What I will also say, is that the gifts they received were so very loved. It was still such a joyful experience for them to have those gifts to open and see their Santa requests magically manifest under the tree. And have the connections to their grandparents who, for the most part, live halfway across the country. They added to their ornament collection. Received some of their favorite books series and got to indulge in the inevitable holiday candy.

As Christmas morning faded into the New Year, the boys did not discuss the presents we had not bought them. They have however reveled in the day of mini golf and Dave & Buster’s we had last month. The local hockey game we attended has come up in multiple conversations. Now that we have hit the point of the year where it’s not pitch black at 5pm, we are preparing for our March family fun day. Each activity still allows me to capture magical moments. Moments that last far beyond the goofy items I used to wrap up simply so they had a lot of boxes to open.

Those envelopes were as much for me as they were for them. Each one represented more time together. Time that for a while I had avoided because I was in such a challenging spot in life. Creating memories just the four of us. Memories that we had missed out on so much over the last year. There was no less magic that morning even though there were far fewer wrapped gifts. Every envelope feels like another step forward in this journey of feeling more like myself and less like the overwhelmed, stressed out, lost in the fray mama, trying hard to find her way beyond the brick wall in front of her.