Find Your Gray

I want for my kids, what I think most, if not all parents want for their kids. To raise healthy, happy, well-rounded, polite kids. Willing to stand up and advocate for themselves and others. To not be a bully. To be accepting and kind to all. To set healthy boundaries for themselves. To find a partner in life (if they want) that loves them unconditionally. To find a path in life that they find happiness in. You know. The simple, normal, easy-to-achieve, basic concoction of raising a tiny baby into a thriving human being. Nothing too complicated of course.

If that wasn’t enough, there is all the other crap that creeps in from a world that sometimes feels far-too-connected. The pressure to check all the boxes needed to be the absolute “perfect parent”. The “never have any screen time” box or the “zero sugar” box or “no processed food” box or or or…the list is never ending. The pressure can feel unrelenting. And the expectations painfully unrealistic. How incredible for those parents that are able to check those boxes if that’s what they want. And I in no way fault them or think less of them for those choices. In fact, it’s exciting to celebrate their achievements. But the issue comes in when I think less of myself as a parent because I don’t check all those boxes. Doom scrolling sessions do not help the feeling of inadequacy because I’m sure the “perfect parent” isn’t doom scrolling on their phone, snacking on popcorn, far beyond their bedtime because the Diet Coke they had after 3pm that afternoon has kept their brain moving at a million miles a minute.

I saw a post on social media lately that spoke to the “gray parents” of the world. Those that viewed parenting as more than just black and white. When viewed as black and white, it’s easy to feel as those you are either amazing or failing miserably. That you either check that box or you don’t and there’s no in between. And in reality, parenting is so much more than that. There is no box big enough to capture all that parenting entails and no two colors that could encompass the entire journey.

These are a few of the boxes I no longer feel the need to check off but certainly have stressed about checking off in the past.

The pressure to be back to your pre-baby weight six months after the baby is born. Back to regularly scheduled workouts. To maintain balanced, healthy meals 3 times a day. I am not yet back to my pre-baby weight. It is something I have come to terms with and some days it is definitely still an internal fight to remind myself that it is okay to be exactly where I am. On the tough days, I remind myself that the 4 little feet that run up to my non pre-baby belly to wrap their arms around my waist are 4 little feet that I grew inside my body and they have never once commented on or been bothered by said belly.

The need to eliminate screen time. What a lovely thought and again amazing for those that can easily accomplish this. I however sometimes need to take a step back from the overwhelm of the day. There are times this overstimulated mama needs quiet and that quiet can come in the form of Switch time on the couch for two little monkeys. And on the other end of the screen time spectrum is the creating memories side. The nights where we blow up a giant air mattress, cover it in blankets, make too many snacks (fruit and veggies included) and relax together with a fun movie or our newest favorite show, Is It Cake? Maybe they will remember our smorgasbord movie nights when they get older, maybe not. But I will. And I will revel in the times we had together. Who knows, if they do remember, maybe those nights are ones they’ll want to recreate with their own families one day.

We are not a family of zero processed foods. You had better believe there are some individual bags of chips and the mini two pack version of Oreos in our pantry that the kids can pick for school snacks. There is also a small corner of that pantry adorned with sugary pieces of candy that the boys get to enjoy on occasion. In the same pantry, we have their favorite Nature’s Bakery fig bars, turkey jerky and the organic version of pop tarts. Most nights we sit at the dinner table together, enjoying whatever meals we planned for that week. Turkey chili. Burgers on the grill. Stir fry. Typically Monday to Wednesday is a new dinner. Thursdays are leftovers. Fridays, well Fridays are all our favorites. Friday is takeout night. For the boys, their top choices are McDonald’s, Subway, Dairy Queen or the local place that makes a delicious fish fry. They get to enjoy their Friday night meals in front of the TV. Lately that has meant us sitting on the couch together with TV tables in front of us and Is It Cake? on the television. Dinners at the table create memories but so do the nights together on the couch.

This motherhood journey is not black and white. There are so many shades of gray. I have to constantly remind myself of how many different shades are actually on that spectrum. There are so many ways to show your children unconditional love and support. I am confident that my children know every day how beyond loved they are. And that we live every day in grayscale. Which again means that….dinners are enjoyed at the dinner table together and in front of the TV. There are times where there are strict limitations on screen time and others where it is unlimited. That the box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the cabinet does not somehow outweigh the allergy friendly granola bites. Days where I work out and eat three balanced meals and others where it’s 2pm before I even remember to feed myself because my brain went into squirrel mode and I have just somehow forgotten to eat (don’t worry the kids have had 7 meals and 17 snacks by that point).

On the tough days, where I let the black and white creep back into my brain, I remind myself of the following: Those french fries they had during their Friday dinners in front of the tv have made my children no less polite and lovely. Their empathetic, amazing little souls are not a result of the vegetables they ate with dinner last night. The joy they find in coming home to their puppy every day, the snuggles they request, the desire to spend time together are not diminished by the fact that they opted for Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast. This journey in grayscale is far more incredible than seeing it as simply black and white. Find your gray and settle in.