Dear Future Me: A Letter About Today

Today will come and go in a heartbeat. And whether work feels like it lasts 243 hours or 30 minutes, the moments you have with the boys are so fleeting. Slow down for them. The dishes will get done. They are not paying attention to whether the sink is full of dishes or the dryer has a load of clothes begging to be folded. They are paying attention to whether you are present with them. So be present.

Play that ten millionth game of UNO. Sit with them on the couch. Ask questions about the video games. Pick out a movie to watch together. There will come a day where the games will be packed away and the couch cushions empty. That day will be here before you know it, so don’t miss out on the here and now.

The house does not have to be immaculate. Let’s be real, that’s nearly impossible with children. And that’s okay, because those messes are probably the clearest evidence of the fun hand, the games played, the experiments experimented.

Put work second. You’ve made that mistake before and nothing good came from it. Set boundaries and stick to them. You work eight to five. EIGHT TO FIVE. And that’s it. After that, you walk away from the computer. Everything else can wait until tomorrow. There is nothing that can’t wait. Oh, and take your lunch break. Definitely eat lunch. Don’t be the hangry, overdone mama for your boys. No job is worth it.

There are no perfect days. But there are days of growth and learning and forgiveness. Sometimes those are the most incredible kind of days. And there will be challenging days. Some riddled with challenges. Others with a mere sprinkle of challenges. Don’t get down on yourself for those days. Give the boys a hug. Give yourself a break. And remember to slow down.

They will survive if television is a little heavier and you need to save your sanity for a window of time. Because some days are just more than you anticipated or expected. Taking time to care for yourself is another way you can care for them as well. There is no benefit to them if you’re not in a good head space. So be kind to yourself. Show them that that kindness matters as much as it does to be kind to others.

But also take time for yourself out of the house. Cultivate those friendships. Those mom friends that you trust implicitly. The ones that bring your stress levels down with a mere conversation. The ones you can chat on the phone with for two hours but can’t see in person. The ones you can sit and enjoy mimosa flights with. That are used to the noise associated with getting everyone together, but get together anyway. But don’t fuck it up. Just kidding. You’re doing fine. You’ve made some lifelong mama friends in the last few years and it’s already made an unbelievable difference in life.

It’s okay if your brain functions best in squirrel mode and you have 42 projects started, 3 finished and 873 on the rest of the list. If it works for you, stick with it. It kind of works, so I’d say stick with it. But do what works for you best. And your best is not for everyone. But discover ways that others do it because sometimes it is nice to add in pinch here or there of how they do it too.

Bake. Write. Do the things that fill your cup up outside of being a mom. You’ve lost yourself in that too and it also is not good for your family. Spend time finding those hobbies that bring you joy. You may find that they enjoy some of those things and can occasionally join those baking and cooking adventures. But remember, it is also good (and okay) for you to just have that time to yourself.

Date your hubby. Call the babysitter more and plan a night out. Even if it is the routine dinner out, go. Take the time to have conversations outside of being needed every eight seconds or hearing your name called every fourteen seconds. There are a multitude of reasons you married him and it’s easy to lose sight of those when you are in the trenches of parenting. There will come a time when there are only two chairs filled at the dinner table instead of four. Enjoy the life you’ve cultivated together. Don’t lose each other in the chaos.

I know it feels like so much. Do this. Do that. Don’t that other thing. Never do this one thing. But in all reality, you have to remember you have never been this person before. You have never been a mom to a 6 and an 8 year-old before. There is no definitive map to follow. And in a few months, you’ll be a mom to a 7 and an 9 year-old and it will feel like everything resets because you’re starting a brand new chapter. But you have good kids. They are sweet and loving and oddly funny (that clearly comes from dad. It’s sure as hell isn’t you). So keep doing what you’re doing. You’re on the right path, even if it doesn’t feel like it some days. Keep loving them and showing up and being present and taking breaks and finding friends and all the things. But take it one day at a time. Throw in a cookie or two and a McDonald’s Diet Coke. Highly recommend the McDonald’s Diet Coke. Continue to be the mama of two boys surviving thriving on caffeine, baking and books.